Sometimes I really don't know what I really want. Or actually I know what I want, but I don't think I deserve wat I want, so i daren't ask for more.
See, if it's too much to ask for someone to take care of me in this disgustingly modern era, den mayb I'm really better off alone. Thats why so many ppl not gonna get married eh. So even if I don't mind that my salary is higher, if I contribute more, den mayb the husband in question should den do more hsework. This way things will b fair lik they are supposed to be right? Aft all, if I can't have anything and everything has to be fair, I might as well jus live life my own. Lik it's fair too. Remaining single and staying w my parents and caring for them. At least i wont have the urge to get cats -.-
Fine so mayb I still need the company and support and love and everything, but sometimes it feels lik company could be wat my Frens could give. So one might say once these frens get attached and married themselves, I'll be forever alone? Well den I can always go one night stand in clubs -.- just to feel wanted. But mayb till 30 when i expire. Den mayb i can start training to be a cougar. What a life.
But whats the point of marriage either if somehow I become convinced I don't want kids anymore? A single life is then better. Mayb casual flings here and there. After all life really has no meaning. No point settling down. Best to jus live out my whole life alone lik that.
I dont lik to view marriage lik a partnership, or worst jus two ppl rooming tgt cuz the govt deems only couple can get flat and so coupling is how u can get affordable (relatively) flats. If its really going to be lik that, den mayb it's really Better for me to jus be independent lik how I should be instead of relying on someone else and get married cuz everyone is doing that. I shld stand up and show how strong i can be. If not, I could always jus die. Cuz life has no meaning anyway. Doesn't matter that suicide is supposedly wrong cuz there is no right or wrong.
But den comes the qn, if I refuse to give, why den do i expect others to give? The thing is I don't mind giving once I ascertain ure really into giving too. I dont trust it that I have to keep giving and in the end I end up losing. But it's too late. I've lost it. Im the loser now. nth to gain
Only to run and minimize the damage. Or really jus end it all so I can have blissful eternal rest where my brain is really rotting for real, and not rottin because I lik to slack. What's the Dam point anyway? I'm lik going nowhere. Dont even think I'm happy w my job. Might have chosen the wrong course, but even if time turns back, I'll probably still do the same thing.
I'm really no different from how
I started out lik 6 years ago. How can I feel so mid-crisis lik when life is barely starting? You win, I don't want kids and everything should be jus fair and equal. But that said, mayb the things I used to want no longer holds too. And the things I used to want means when everything seemed better and when it could almost be a happy ending
Sometimes I'm really such a selfish little bitch.
signing off
amethyst
7:25 PM
say something'
plain.amethyst.palace
plainpalace.sally.yip
aquarian snake
Singapore
Alexandra Hill Pri, Nan Hua Sec, Victoria Junior College, NUS P h a r m12'
Lady`Mage =)
plainpalace@hotmail/gmail.com
let it go'
if you cant hold on, let it go and come back in your heart
hopes and wishes
.books
.more bc dresses!, bags
.necklaces, bracelets (to spice up boring outfits!)
.above preferably of diamonds and white gold. >< or gold. or precious stones. =P
.musical box that plays pirates of Caribbean Davy Jones soundtrack
.own room -.-
.blank nice books to write my diary
.mont blanc fountain pen ><
.supernatural, grey's anatomy, heros, charmed, csi complete DVDs