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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

sheryl once said she dun mind dying now. i acted all shock and disagreeable that time, but now i can totally agree with that. it's not lik i'm suicidal or anything - im too afraid of dying on the contrary (what a coward) and yes i agree there's STH i need to do before i leave this world. -.-

now as in, mayb an accident or sth. =/ jus sudden gone. life isnt all fantastic anyway and i dont see any improvement. so what, 21st? it's just another number, another day. school sucks to the core and i dont foresee any improvement. mayb it's reali lik some self-fulfilling prophecy. i'm afraid of failure, i foresee i'l fail so i dun feel lik trying harder. in lectures i look ard and see ppl scribbling like mad and all i can think of is when will this end? i feel resentment when the person next to me scribbles ton of stuff and i dun even noe wat the lecturer is talking about. aft grad (aft i successfully get over the fact of not doing honors, which is perhaps never) i'l probably have to slave my ass off doing internship. mayb i'l get fired because of some mistake and be a disgrace to nus. when i'm working i'l probably think of retirement and when i finally retire i wil realise life jus flew by.

this is probably v unfilial of me, but sighs. yes yes. dad's probably right i AM a selfish person. sis is right "a zi bei person tends to be more self-centred" but helo, how to care for others when i cant even preserve my own ass? see, self-righteous til the end. -.-

this is reali depressing. now mum's shouting about my credit card bills. *depresses* and braces. *depresses even more* HAI.



signing off
amethyst
11:08 PM