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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

ok. reading some ppl's blog, my blog entries so far are lik short and shallow and superficial. if there's anything i loathe about myself, it's trying to appear deep. i'm always trying to appear "deeper" but sometimes i dun think i'm tat deep. tat's why i lik purple.mayb liking a colour is lik channelling one's desire to be sth. =X

been workin so far for a week and half? not bad.shldnt whine too much. shld realise tat many ppl are unemployed even thou they might be trying so hard to look for a job. i shld start cherishing wat i have. i mean, i'm young, healthy (so far) and having a satisfying standard of living(with my music and entertainment and stuff. materialistic me!) so why am i soo unhappy with my life? i'm 20, at the age where everyone is living the life, dream, watever, so LIVE IT. T.T

so unhappy and keep wantin, trying to brood upon the meaning of life. someone told me about the meaning but i dun think i reali understand it (hence the i'm-so-shallow part),but i think i understood at least a wee bit. not live the hedonistic (correct meaning?) life but... ok i don't reali noe wat is the actual way to life it i'l figure tat out sometimes. T.T i rmb someone telling me living life is actually figuring out how to live it. there i go again and ruin sth i understand with words.

but there's one thing i noe for sure now thou. i noe sincerity. i lik sincerity and i stand by sincerity, in fact i can't do anything else but sincerity. i can't hide my feelings well (reads lik an open book) and to compensate for the naivety, i appear paraniod sometimes. sure thing it's be told to me one has to appear "cool" to actually succeed and or survive in life, but i hate it when u're fake, ur intentions are fake, when everything is so superficial and fu yan.

yea but sometimes. i do do a little acting to manipulate ppl? manipulate ppl. mayb i'm the one getting manipulated and stil think i hav all the control. but the feeling of thinking u're in control is intoxicating.jus plain nice even it might b an illusion.



signing off
amethyst
11:23 PM