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Monday, October 23, 2006

am starting to lose the belief that tmr'l be a better day. right eyelid still gives an occasional moody twitch, my cd collections has yet to return and everything is jus so screwed up.

were things better before? i duno. seems lik my one whole life's nth but misery. i strongly suspects a large portion of it's due to my pessimism, but reali, sometimes i jus think it's tat i'm being realistic.

damn it. i think i better start on bloody script for pw. it's "u're on ur own." and doesn't help the rest of the grp's obviously waay better than me in terms of intelligence. SIGHS.

Don' t read SERIOUS. it's a boring whiny entry.
ok. jus as i managed to tel myself "it can't be tat bad." and that i'll grudgingly swallow the (can i call it that?) injustice, saw sth that made me boil again. so pissed. so UNFAIR. so screwed up. and i think i suck so much. y am i always on a different wavelength as people? why do my ideas so sucks? WHY I AM SO STUPID. or mayb the whole thing lies in my almost non-existence confidence. when ppl ask for my opinion (which is once in a blue moon), i freeze up and tries desperately to seek an ans that agrees with everyone. resulting with a stupid ans. when i try to REALI ask myself, i realise that i dun hav any opinion at al! yay i DESERVE to fail gp (ok not fail la, but without moderation i REALI wil fail, and as someone tells me, it is despicable to rely on moderation to get an A, much less to pass. -.-) ok i need to find my self-confidence. but hoW? HOW HOW?? is it tat i can only depend on myself? BUT I NEED COLD HARD FACTS and not my own conjectures. they are often wrong anw. ok. i feel so SELFISH and self-centred. gosh.



signing off
amethyst
9:08 PM